Being pregnant is not easy for most women. While we all have that one friend who loves being pregnant and misses their belly, for the most part, especially near the end, it's miserable and we just want that little baby in our arms. The hormones, the weight gain, the nausea, the sleepless nights... I could go on and on. I remember everyone getting on my nerves near the end of my pregnancy and it was usually because of what they said. When I used to vent to my friends who had been pregnant or who were pregnant, they all could sympathize because the same stupid things were said to them too. Below is our list of what you need to stop saying to pregnant women. Feel free to add any that we've missed in the comment section at the bottom!
1. "I feel so huge today" - Oh yeah? I haven't seen my vagina in months because my belly is so big and I have cellulite on my back (YES... ON MY BACK). Please tell me more about how your jeans feel a little tight.
2. "Oh my God you're getting so big!" - I hadn't noticed that my belly looked like a basket ball and that I could no longer see my feet... I thought that was from the beer that I haven't had in months. I'm glad you were able to point that out for me. What would I do without you?
3. "Are you scared about your delivery?" - No not at all... I mean who doesn't want to push out a watermelon through their vagina? Or even better... have major abdominal surgery if the watermelon doesn't fit! It sounds like great Friday night fun to me! (insert eye rolling)
4. "Can I touch your belly" - No. And now you've just made things awkward.
** On a side note - I know that some women really don't mind this, but it was always strange to me and to many of my friends. I've never quite understood the fascination with touching a pregnant woman's belly. What exactly are you looking for? To see if it's real? To see if it's weirdly shaped? To see if I'm ready to explode (because I am)? And what am I supposed to do while you're touching my belly? Smile and pretend it feels good? Ask for a snack in return like at a petting zoo? My friend M. has a funny way of dealing with unwelcomed belly touching from women... when they grab her belly, she grabs their boob and waits for a reaction. Tit for Tat I guess... literally (and this is why I love her so much).
5. "Omg you're pregnant! I didn't know you were trying!" - OMG I'm so sorry I forgot to email you my unprotected sex schedule. I'll add you to the mailing list next time.
My favorite reply to this statement was always (and of course with a straight face): We weren't trying. It was an accident.
6. During the 9th month of pregnancy "How are you feeling?" - Well... I LOVE not being able to see my feet or my vagina but thankfully the baby keeps kicking my cervix to remind me that it's still there! And the heartburn is just the icing on the cake - I want to be 9 months pregnant FOREVER (yeah definitely not).
7. "Did you just run here? You're all flushed" - NO. I can barely walk, forget running. It's called being pregnant. I'm overweight, hormonal, and I sweat from just thinking about walking to the fridge.
8. "Omg are you pregnant?" - If you have to ask this - then you probably shouldn't, or you should have a great response for that awkward moment when I tell you that I'm in fact NOT pregnant. I had fun doing that when I was pregnant because it annoyed me to no end when someone would ask me during week 38 of my pregnancy if I was expecting. I'm just pushing out my belly as far as I can and waddling for the fun of it. I love walking like a penguin. Doesn't everyone?
9. "I had such a rough day... I need a drink" - Really? Rough day? I have a baby using my ribs as a punching bag, I got stuck on the toilet and needed help getting up, I literally had to ROLL out of bed this morning, I am sweating so much I feel like I'm going through menopause, my husband has to put on my shoes for me because I can't bend down, and I'm pretty sure I just peed myself. Yet here I sit, with no drink. Please tell me more about your rough day.
All in all, please be sensitive when speaking to a pregnant woman... especially near the end. With all of our hormones, you will always have a 50% chance of upsetting us.... so your safest bet is to just say: You look fantastic today and leave it at that. :)